give take

February 8, 2022 admin

Illustration by Claudia Chinyere Akole

I remember the first major work of art I ever made. [Image description: A female child holds a paintbrush up to a blank canvas, looking at a picture of Georgia O’Keeffe’s painting “Deer Skull with Pedernal” in a book propped up next to her, while her teacher speaks.] Teacher:

I was in awe of the image, of myself for making it. My reproduction hung on the bulletin board of my mother's home office for years. [Image description: Two versions of Georgia O’Keeffe’s painting “Deer Skull with Pedernal” side-by-side, showing a deer skull affixed to an upright tree branch in front of distant mountains. The image on the left has less detail.] It never occurred to me that this work was not really mine. I wanted to share it with anyone who would watch, as it was shared with me.

Now I am a professional image sharer. [Image description: An Instagram post by Amykurzweil, showing a man painting a jumping deer on a yellow road sign. A live deer stands on its hind legs as a model behind the man’s easel. An arrow says that Amy sold the original print for $500. The caption reads: “This #deer and his #artist are still #forsale at #undercurrentprojects! #Graphicart”] I guide my drawings through the market and put numbers on my work to earn a living.

I know about contracts, royalties and copyrights (sort of). [Image description: A drawing of a contract with Vox Media for a comic titled “Give & Take,” on top of two blue buttons labeled “review” and “accept.” A cursor arrow hovers over “accept.”] But these calculations always feel arbitrary to me. I know that the value of art cannot really be counted with coins.

[Image description: The image of the man painting a deer on a road sign is displayed in various applications above buttons that say “Add to Cart”: framed and hanging on the wall, on a T-shirt, printed on a mug in a woman’s hands, and printed on a pillow held by a smiling woman.]

In The Gift, Lewis Hyde says that exchanges of art are greater and stranger than the sum of their material parts. [Image description: A drawing of Lewis Hyde’s book “The Gift,” subtitled “Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World.” An arrow identifies it as a birthday gift.] Art provides insight, emotion, connection - things we cannot count, measure or possess exclusively.

The experience of art -

Gifts bind us and transform us. [Image description: A drawing of a deer, with “Deer Reader, Happy Birthday! Love, Amy” written in script.] If I were to gift you this drawing, you would somehow feel obligated (a thank you email, a friendship). If I sold you this drawing, $100 above Venmo would end our exchange.

Or if you saw my drawing on Instagram, you would express your thanks for my digital gift with a like, a comment or a share. These days I can't sell deer cartoon prints or, it seems, do anything without participating in this world of sharing and liking. [Image description: A drawing of the App Store, where Instagram has been downloaded.] Social media uses the language of the community and the sense of a gift exchange to invite us on stage, as if it were a party.

To me in the beginning it felt like a gift, like a valve opening, [Image description: A drawing of a screenshot of Instagram, showing that there are 8.7 million posts tagged #deer. The drawing shows five images: A pet dog in a deer costume holding a carrot, and four separate deer in the wild.] A chance to pin my drawings forever to an infinite digital bulletin board!

My artist's secret: I want to give my work away. [Image description: A drawing of Amy, with wavy hair and rosy cheeks, wearing a black shirt and gray pants, sitting cross-legged looking at her phone, with three hearts above her head.] The gift of my art gives me something back.

But something isn't right here. [Image description: Amy sitting cross-legged, looking at her phone, but now with her eyebrows raised and a troubled look on her face.]

If the value of art is innumerable, what should we make of... [Image description: Drawn elements of Amy Kurzweil’s Instagram account, showing 37.3 followers, and the caption “My #topten toons of 2021”] ... numbers?

This is the cartoon with the most likes on my Instagram page: [Image description: A drawing of Amy’s Instagram post, which begins with the text “The two kinds of women’s underwear:” above a drawing of green thong underwear with the caption “intentionally up your butt” and three drawings of brief underwear with the caption “unintentionally up your butt.” The caption to the post reads: “Can we please discuss this #conspiracy against #mybutt. #womensunderwear]

[Image description: A drawing of an Instagram ad from a company called Seamless Jane, showing the back of a woman with her hands raised, wearing a peach pair of underwear and bra.]

[Image description: A sponsored post from the Amykurzweil account, showing two women wearing underwear. The woman on the left is seen from behind wearing green thong underwear, behind script that reads “intentionally”; the woman on the right faces forward, wearing light blue underwear behind the script “unintentionally.” Between them is the text “up your butt.”] But someone is making money with our art. Making this money forged the infinite digital bulletin board and its infinite underwear ads.

[Image description: A child-sized Amy sitting cross-legged on the floor, in front of a large TV with antennas, showing an advertisement of a woman’s torso wearing peach underwear and a bra before a bright cloudy sky, beneath the text “Unintentional by Calvin Klein.”] We should know by now that a story is inextricably linked to its form.

I'm worried about the shape of this story, [Image description: A towering book with a cover that says “Instagram: a graphic memoir, by Facebook, author of Oculus,” next to a drawing of the same book with blank pages blowing open.] The shape, the way it works,

How it floods our brains with dopamine, every swipe one click closer to a purchase, [Image description: Two slot machines next to each other, with “GRAM” printed on top surrounded by blue and green lightbulbs. The slot wheels contain images of deer heads, fruit, and underwear.] How its endlessness means I won't be in one post for long and neither will you, which means the loudest, flattest, dumbest, trendiest, most needy art feeds the machine,

And you'll never really give me the gifts I want back. [Image description: A slot machine with three pairs of underwear lined up in a row, with black hearts pouring out of the slot.]

I want something back. [Image description: Amy sitting next to the slot machine, surrounded by black hearts. She holds one heart, and looks at it skeptically.]

And I don't want to forget what Georgia's deer revealed to me. [Image description: A shirt printed with Georgia O’Keeffe’s deer skull, for sale for $24.99, atop a blue “Add to Cart” button.] You can't actually own an image.

[Image description: Child Amy, seen from behind, painting a replica of Georgia O’Keeffe’s deer skull.] You can only honor it with your attention.

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